Note: This article is a slightly edited version of an article I wrote in November, 2002.
Mostly my 14-year-old, sighted sister
Sigrid and I, being a 16-year-old
blind girl, are just like all siblings:
we have fun, we talk together,
we sometimes quarrel etc. But in
some ways I really think my blindness
affects her life. I'm not independent
at all - also in comparison to
other blind teens - and moreover
I'm really struggling with these
'special needs'. This means that
I'm really afraid of asking for
help, which doesn't mean that I
don't make people help me: I don't
ask, I say. I for example say I
can't do this or that, while I
actually mean to ask Sigrid to
help me. Once she said that I was
abusing her like a slave, which
of course is quite a bad piece
of critique to get. I fully
understand that it's quite annoying
to have such a dependent, and furthermore
blunt, sister, but how can I show her? (Note: Yes, I know I should just change my behaviour, but at the time I didn't know how to and I actually didn't think much about it.)
Sometimes, on the other hand,
she's so extremely helpful. She's
not unwilling anytime, but she's
sometimes really gribbling about
me ALWAYS needing EVERYONE and
some other time she's sooo helpful,
even too helpful. Once we had had
a Dutch test which I had done quite
bad because I didn't have enough
time. Now that I have extra time on
tests which you have to read much
for, my sister said: 'I'm going
to tell your teacher that you need
extra time.' So I said: 'No, I'll
do it myself.' 'You won't,'
she said convincedly. And I knew
she was right, but I didn't want
my YOUNGER sister to tell MY teacher
about this. She didn't have to
solve my problems, they were mine.
Eventually by the way my father
told my teacher, but that's my
father. In situations like this
I most times completely lean on the
helpfulness of others, but it
was too childish to let her do
this for me. Although I know myslef
too well to think I would do such
things myself, I don't allow Sigrid
to do them for me. I think: so,
if I don't address something to my teacher,
then let things go wrong, it's
not her concern, is it?
But we also have a 'normal' sibling-relationship.
We have fun at school (she goes to
the same highschool as I) and at
home and talk about politics (our
common interest) and other things
together. When my parents are angry
with her or she has got a bad grade
at school, Sigrid comes to me.
And sometimes we argue of course.
That however is mostly about my
'special needs'.
Sometimes it seems like Sigrid is
my big sister instead of my younger sis. She is really more independent
than I am and when my parents are
going out she cares for me. That
also means that she's telling me
what to do, which is very annoying.
Just because she has to do the dishes
then, it doesn't mean that she
can teach me, because in that way
I'm NOT less able than her. She for instance really loves to nag about friends and all these issues, and - although I'm indeed not very sociable -, this way of 'teaching' annoys me. It makes me feel as if I'm mentally retard, which I'm not and she knows real good.
Although we quarrel at times and
I really think my blindness is
influencing her life, I mostly
love her and hope she loves me
too. I have never talked with her
about what she thinks of my blindness
(I think I should do once) so I
don't know if my assumptions are correct, but
it's the impression I get.
